First time commenting on Substack. I felt compelled to write because so much of what you shared resonated with me. I’ve struggled with transmasculinity too, and, honestly, I still do, but I’ve come a long way. I wanted to share a few things that helped me, in case any of them might help you as well.
First: stop clinging to optimism. Life can be genuinely nasty. Seeing it for what it is was a turning point for me. I used to be very optimistic, and I know optimism works for some people, but letting go of it helped me be more grounded.
Second: get out of your head. When you find yourself thinking in circles, try sharing those thoughts with someone. Often, you’ll realise they’re not as bad as they seem or that what felt so convincing in your head sounds kind of ridiculous out loud.
It’s also okay to feel sad and to be sad. It’s okay to make mistakes, even in relationships. The fact that you notice them and feel bad about them is a good thing; it means you’re growing.
One last thing: when you catch yourself saying things like 'I hate life' or 'I hate myself,' don’t stop there. Ask why. Write it down, or talk it through with someone, so you don’t stay stuck in your head. You might find the reason, or you might not, but at least you’re moving toward understanding instead of spiralling.
You might also want to check out Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It won’t make you optimistic or hopeful (I dislike both), but it shows the horror and nastiness of life, and maybe it could convince you that you're capable of enduring more than you think.
It's hard, it's really hard to feel all these things, it's complicated and tiring, sometimes you just hate yourself so much you overthink and it's scary
But , you're not alone, you can talk to us,you can yell once in a while. It's not going to be easy but you'll get there, there's always a ray of light in the night
I just want to say your feelings are valid but please don’t belittle yourself. You’ve capable of doing big things and you’ll feel peace again, give it time 🤍
Oh, my heart. I feel you on a deep level, really. And while I wish I could tell you sweet things to make you feel better, I really cannot. But I just want you to know that you'll always have a little family here, or people who will always be ready to listen to you. And hey, just in case you want to talk to a fellow upset queer girl, you can reach out if you ever do feel like it. No pressure whatsoever. Take your time, love. Your feelings are valid, and they matter. You matter.
It's good that you expressed all this in writing and published it instead of keeping your feelings bottled up inside. That's a good sign, I think. Hang in there. Give yourself time to find answers. And let us know how you're doing.
Wow. It sounds like you're having a hell of a crisis. On very deep and personal levels. Someone mentioned a hug and you totally deserve one. Here's a virtual one if you would like one.
My heart breaks for how much you are beating the hell out of yourself. And I want to say that what you wrote? That's so damn brave. I wonder if after you wrote it, have you reread it? Because that's a lot. It's heavy to carry such pain in your mind, body and spirit. If you don't mind I would like to say this.
I just feel you should accept it and live with it and move on love whoever you want and hate whoever you want…but you don’t have to hate yourself because you can end up hurt people that didn’t cut you..what you re you going through is exactly like mine but people expect a lot of things from you when they don’t even know about you
I hope you come out of your shell and live and don’t care about someone opinion just liveee
First time commenting on Substack. I felt compelled to write because so much of what you shared resonated with me. I’ve struggled with transmasculinity too, and, honestly, I still do, but I’ve come a long way. I wanted to share a few things that helped me, in case any of them might help you as well.
First: stop clinging to optimism. Life can be genuinely nasty. Seeing it for what it is was a turning point for me. I used to be very optimistic, and I know optimism works for some people, but letting go of it helped me be more grounded.
Second: get out of your head. When you find yourself thinking in circles, try sharing those thoughts with someone. Often, you’ll realise they’re not as bad as they seem or that what felt so convincing in your head sounds kind of ridiculous out loud.
It’s also okay to feel sad and to be sad. It’s okay to make mistakes, even in relationships. The fact that you notice them and feel bad about them is a good thing; it means you’re growing.
One last thing: when you catch yourself saying things like 'I hate life' or 'I hate myself,' don’t stop there. Ask why. Write it down, or talk it through with someone, so you don’t stay stuck in your head. You might find the reason, or you might not, but at least you’re moving toward understanding instead of spiralling.
You might also want to check out Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It won’t make you optimistic or hopeful (I dislike both), but it shows the horror and nastiness of life, and maybe it could convince you that you're capable of enduring more than you think.
Thank youu so much. 😭😭😭
I found this really helpful.
Reading this made me wish I could give you a hug. You don’t need to be anything more than you are right now. 🫂
Thank you. 😔
Hmm
I've been here,I'm still here
It's hard, it's really hard to feel all these things, it's complicated and tiring, sometimes you just hate yourself so much you overthink and it's scary
But , you're not alone, you can talk to us,you can yell once in a while. It's not going to be easy but you'll get there, there's always a ray of light in the night
I just want to say your feelings are valid but please don’t belittle yourself. You’ve capable of doing big things and you’ll feel peace again, give it time 🤍
Oh, my heart. I feel you on a deep level, really. And while I wish I could tell you sweet things to make you feel better, I really cannot. But I just want you to know that you'll always have a little family here, or people who will always be ready to listen to you. And hey, just in case you want to talk to a fellow upset queer girl, you can reach out if you ever do feel like it. No pressure whatsoever. Take your time, love. Your feelings are valid, and they matter. You matter.
Thank youuu, Janelle. 😭🩵
🫂
🫂
It's good that you expressed all this in writing and published it instead of keeping your feelings bottled up inside. That's a good sign, I think. Hang in there. Give yourself time to find answers. And let us know how you're doing.
Ifeoma please never stop writing I love your newsletters, they’re so genuine. You’ll do just fine (or much better if I’m being honest) in school.🫂🫂
Awww, thank youu. 🩵
It's okay to feel the way you are. And I'm really proud of you for speaking up about it 🫂🌸
Wow. It sounds like you're having a hell of a crisis. On very deep and personal levels. Someone mentioned a hug and you totally deserve one. Here's a virtual one if you would like one.
My heart breaks for how much you are beating the hell out of yourself. And I want to say that what you wrote? That's so damn brave. I wonder if after you wrote it, have you reread it? Because that's a lot. It's heavy to carry such pain in your mind, body and spirit. If you don't mind I would like to say this.
You're not alone.
You've found your people.
A lot of people are here and we see you.
We hear you.
And we can be friends.
I'm Mo. And it's good to meet you.
🫂🫂
I just feel you should accept it and live with it and move on love whoever you want and hate whoever you want…but you don’t have to hate yourself because you can end up hurt people that didn’t cut you..what you re you going through is exactly like mine but people expect a lot of things from you when they don’t even know about you
I hope you come out of your shell and live and don’t care about someone opinion just liveee